Patient asks his doctor: “Can I take a bath with diarrhea?”
–
Doctor: “Yes, if you are able to fill it up. “ 

Man: Hi, do you want to dance?
–
Woman: Yeah, sure!
–
Man: Great, go and dance, I want to talk to your pretty friend!

Waiter, I am outraged. There is one hair in my soup.
–
And what do you expect for this price? A whole wig?!

I got another letter from this lawyer today. It said “Final Notice”. Good that he will not bother me anymore.

Today I went to a barber’s shop for a shave. The barber asked me to put a small wooden ball in my mouth so he could get a closer shave around my cheeks.

I asked: “But what if I swallow the ball?”

He replied: “No problem sir, you just bring it back tomorrow like everybody else.”

What is see-through and smells of carrots?
–
A rabbit fart.

A woman caught her husband on the weight scale, sucking in his stomach.
 
“That won’t help you, Joe, you know?”

“Oh it helps a lot,” says the man, “it’s the only way I can see the numbers!”

Today I found my first grey pubic hair. I got really excited, but not as much as the other people in the lift.

Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”

Patient: “OK.”

Dentist: “I’ve been having an affair with your wife for a while now.”

and the last one

Yes, money cannot buy you happiness, but I’d still feel a lot more comfortable crying in a new BMW than on a bike.